While the two year old naps upstairs, and the six year old runs around the backyard, I have snatched the kid’s computer to upload a blog I’ve had weighing on me to write since last Thursday’s viewing of the documentary: “America the Beautiful.” It has left me with the question, ‘What is the definition, or standard, of physical human beauty?” I could go into the definition of inner beauty, or what things or personality traits I find beautiful…but the documentary wasn’t about either of those. So, in light of reflecting on their stream of thought….here it goes:
Beauty. There is a definite cultural bias towards seeking out and rewarding the beautiful. I remember being shocked when the judges of ‘Who’s Got Talent” were audibly and visually taken aback that someone who wasn’t tall, thin, 21 and tanned, could sing. Pathetic.
To me, beauty is inner pride that translates forward into outward confidence.
I should think that any woman who takes a loving pride in herself will consequently care for her body in the same way a man who adores his new sports car will polish and clean it before taking it for a drive. She will be clean, tidy, groomed. Eat foods to nourish and fuel her body, walk, swim, hike, canoe to keep her vehicle strong and to protect her heart and bones.
None of this holds any connection to the media’s influence, or to fit in or to gain social status. All of the above actions are birthed from a woman’s love for herself.
In a relationship, a sign of the level of love between two people is their levels of respect with and for each other. Out of love is birthed respect. If there is no respect, then the love that has been claimed has little value. In essence, actions speak louder than words. So when I see on TV, or hear obviously overweight women go on about how they love their body the way it is, and they love themselves as they are…I don’t believe it. Curvy and healthy is one thing…lazy and taking a second piece of pie is a different thing. And the second scenario speaks nothing of love bringing respect. It is not a person loving who they are but rather a sign that they are accepting the way they are.
I’ve come to believe that beauty is not about looking like a model, or about giving up on trying to entirely. What if we stopped losing weight to mimic models, and stopped gaining weight to ‘stick it to the man?’ What if we stopped working so hard to accept ourselves, and put the money we spend on self-help books toward a gym membership, or to switch to wholesome quality foods? What if women began to set standards for themselves and put an effort forward for the sake of longevity and health first and foremost? Not to look like society pressures us to…but simply because we deserve to feel strong and refreshed.
I don’t like women lowering their own standards. I don’t like the ‘all or nothing’ attitude about the correlation between weight and beauty. It won’t hurt someone nearly as much to go on a walk, or to not buy the ice-cream, as it will later to have diabetes and be unable to keep up to their children and grandchildren, as a result of years of ‘curve-loving.’
Beauty to me is not found in the makeup, hair-dye, or cosmetic plastic surgery. It’s in the SPF, haircuts, and early morning jogs. The point in which makeup is a fun accessory, and eating healthy feels like a sacred routine, not a stressful chore, is when I believe a person has stopped accepting themselves, and begins a full on love-affair.
As in a marriage, where love alone isn’t enough and an effort must be put forward daily, maintaining a healthy relationship with our bodies requires more than love. What if we dated ourselves, treated ourselves like princesses, whatever that looks like? If we would take the time to win ourselves over, I can’t help but believe that pure love would cascade forth naturally and unstoppably. Contagiously.
What if the word beauty was replaced with the word respect? Or health? Suddenly, the dieting, obsessing models and the apathetic chip-eaters no longer fit the bill.
Real beauty, inner pride and respect, takes an effort to maintain. Women who daily deal with trying to love themselves are having such an issue because they are trying to love themselves without necessarily respecting who they are. They are seeking frantically inside to find something they haven’t consciously established.
I don’t think that a love for one’s self comes from beauty. I don’t think that beauty comes from accepting yourself. I think that the first step to beauty is to realize that there are steps beyond being ok with who we are. Once the voices of others have been silenced and we’ve come to terms with where we are, the next step is to establish a respect for ourselves. Boundaries, conscious work, and building a balanced centered life will follow from that base of respect.
Through love and respect, actions rather than words, will come deep, rich, beautiful joy and a long life full of health and freedom from societal restraints…which will be seen by others as a sexy, unstoppable woman. Just my thoughts, anyway. <3
